11 Habits To Start Feeling HAPPIER Beginning Today

 

 

no matter what's going on in your life

it's possible to lift your mood and feel

happier

that's almost a radical thing to say

because for people who struggle with

depression and Trauma

most of what we talk about is how bad it

feels what caused it and there's a time

to look at that but right now I want to

show you how to get an instant lift for

your mood and your energy level anytime

you need it it might be a big change it

might be a little change but even a

little positive change is worth it don't

you think so you might find that you get

a big change and because I did and I

know this experience and I learned how

to do this because I'm someone who has

known a lot of suffering in my life I've

had good things but I've had long

periods of loneliness and losing people

I love and medical problems and

financial problems and definitely

relationship problems lots of those

and here's the thing I learned to be

happier before these problems were

solved and being happier gave me so much

more power to see the solution and to

take action

so these are simple strategies that you

can use whenever you're in a bad place

depressed angry you know feeling like

you just can't pop out of it and

remember you don't always have to know

the reason that you're feeling bad what

I'm teaching you doesn't depend on

knowledge or figuring out the past

and in fact sometimes it helps to take

your focus off the past and off the pain

for a little while take a break from

those thoughts and I'm not saying this

is all you know affirmations that your

problems don't really exist I don't

believe that and you don't have to

believe that everything is so great I'm

not someone who can really do that even

if I thought it was true it feels fake

right but it's possible to influence

your mood with practical actions that

let you still be your real self be true

to what you believe not lose track of

the problems in your life because at

some point you actually will want to

solve them right and to get into the

habit of feeling better so that you

don't have to go through all the steps

to getting there every time you want to

feel better it'll it'll be more like

your natural state your Baseline so the

first thing to do are you ready is to

get up an hour earlier than you normally

would and I can hear the chorus of

people out there going I can't do that

and I know you have your reasons but you

can yes you might be a bit tired a bit

in the afternoon when you first start

but it's a good way to reduce the stress

that makes morningings such a vulnerable

time for overwhelm and discombobulation

and depression so when you get up early

and get out of bed no matter how you're

feeling when you woke up you get up you

get out of bed

you're freeing yourself from both

hurrying to get out of the house which

can be a major trigger for for

dysregulation for people with cptsd and

you're freeing yourself from

immobilization where you stay in bed for

too long after you wake up which is you

know like it's just like basically like

depression come and get me it's it's an

emotional door left open so get up an

hour earlier then get up out of bed

what to do about being tired

nothing tired is not an emergency get a

hot beverage if you if you like them I'm

a coffee person myself then get on to

the second thing I'm going to recommend

to you to feel happier some people write

in their journals right some people do

morning pages I teach a technique that

helps you get your anxious and depressed

thoughts out of your head and onto paper

which is different than journaling so if

you're looking for a technique try mine

if you want to learn it you'll find it

always in the links below my videos it's

on the free tools page it's called The

Daily practice there's also like a

freestanding link to the Daily practice

I sort of put it everywhere hoping

you'll find it when you can get that

fear and resentment out of your head and

onto paper your mind just ah just gets a

little vacation and your thoughts are

free to happen maybe even inspired

thoughts will come to visit you that's I

love that it's uh you know something

other than just a bunch of worrying and

rumination and Dread so in my daily

practice technique there's a process to

both name the negative thoughts and then

and then the second part is release them

so you name them and you release them or

you ask for them to be removed if you're

a higher power person which I am

but it's so important that you don't

just write as a form of ranting you're

not just listing everything that pisses

you off but more as a process for naming

and releasing those thoughts that

otherwise are spinning that hamster

wheel of Doom I don't know about you but

I often wake up irritated and anxious

which is totally a complex PTSD thing so

this practice is really powerful for

people like me it's emotional fresh air

and it empowers me to have new ideas new

thoughts and a fruitful and productive

and happy day I like to have fruitful

and productive and Happy Days

the third thing you can do is to

meditate I know you've heard this me I

meditate for 20 minutes twice a day and

I've been doing that for 28 years

if you can even do five minutes it makes

a huge difference and by meditation I

don't necessarily mean anything

difficult you don't have to sit a

special way I've learned a lot of modes

of meditation but I no longer do the

ones that require you to sit a certain

way I do I no longer do the ones that

require me to empty my mind or still my

thoughts or focus on my breath or

anything like that you know why because

I don't have the patience so if anything

has that level of demand I don't do it

you might my hat is off to you who have

strong meditation practices like that I

think it's a good thing

but if you're like me and it's just

torture to have to sit there and sit

breathe think not think you can just sit

down in a comfortable place with your

eyes closed

maybe with a mantra and if you don't

have one you could use a simple word

like okay or this those are two really

neutral words and they just you just say

them silently to yourself from time to

time to remind yourself I'm meditating

I'm not just sitting here thinking about

what I'm going to eat for dinner but you

will and I do I my mind is you know it's

a mind it thinks but we're trying to

give it a rest for 20 minutes so you can

learn my simple meditation technique in

the free course that I mentioned the

daily practice course I teach the

writing and the meditation

and a lot of people I hear them

criticize themselves and they say oh I

can't really meditate I just think so

much and that's precisely why we

meditate it's because we have an active

mind that is designed to think so you

just give it a rest take all the

expectation off that it'll be perfect

you don't have to get your mind all

fixed before you start meditating it's

the other way around just start

meditating and see if see if your focus

improves a little bit so just start

where you are and writing fears and

resentments on paper beforehand like we

just talked about just might reduce all

the mental chatter that's making

meditation difficult the fourth thing

for lifting your mood is to go outside

and start exercising hard

now there was a time when I had acute

PTSD and if you've ever heard my story

there have been a couple times in my

life where some some really traumatic

things happened and my sadness and the

PTSD symptoms were so strong I could

barely work or even hold a conversation

my mind was really stressed and I was

scattered and my body was going into

you know full adrenal freak out several

times a day every time something

reminded me of one particularly

traumatic experience when someone close

to me died

I just flash back to the memory of that

experience and adrenaline would start

whooshing through me and my heart would

pound and my thoughts would scatter and

I it was really debilitating and so this

PTSD reaction had been going on for

months and I happened to see a doctor

and she said well how many times a day

are you having these freak out episodes

you're telling me about and I was like

oh you know not that much maybe like 10

or 15 times maybe 20 times a day and she

was like oh my gosh we are going to have

to get you on some serious medications

if you can't find a way to get this

trauma reaction down

but I didn't want to do that and I told

her I'll come back in a couple weeks and

instead of taking any drugs I went

online and searched what does a person

do if they can't start going into panic

mode all day and one thing that was

suggested was go exercise hard

it was so effective and I can't believe

the doctor never mentioned this but I

figured it out now what does exercising

hard mean it can be different things

depending on what you're used to doing

but you want to get your heart rate up

for at least 20 minutes if you're able

to run that's great and if that's a

little more than you can do just a brisk

walk for 20 minutes it helps and if you

can walk for an hour that's a good thing

to do when you're in the middle of a

life crisis take it from me walk until

it tires you out

if you're not able to walk do what you

can to get your body moving and your

heart rate gently up for a while and if

you can do that in nature even better

I'm sure you've had the experience of

just how good that feels so number five

is

to just do this exercise or anything

that you do do it outside sometimes

outside where the sun is or even when

it's cold or wet weather our brains like

to know what's going on outside what day

is it what season is it and this is part

of neurological regulation it's about

knowing you know what what day is it and

so being outside helps us get regulated

calibrated and feeling normal in our

bodies which helps us sleep normally and

feel hungry at the right time

normal sleep and normal eating aren't

always easy for traumatized or depressed

people but this can help nudge you in

the right direction and of course the

daylight is really helpful to move that

depression away to chew your brain and

to talk to your nervous system and coax

it into a normal rhythm

also if you're going to walk or run it

can be really nice to do it instead of

on a treadmill to do it on a natural

surface up and down a curb even or on a

dirt road or on a on a pathway of some

kind because your brain it likes that it

likes to sense those changes in the

surface under your feet and it likes to

figure out how to balance you on that

it's calming and regulating for your

nervous system to do that

so much of what's going on with complex

PTSD especially when we're struggling in

our mood or feeling physically deadened

is that there's dysregulation going on

in the brain and nervous system and in

your emotions so dysregulation makes

everything harder and clunkier and

people who are traumatized as kids are

particularly prone to dysregulation but

luckily we all instinctively know how to

re-regulate now it's not always easy

when you're feeling stressed or sad but

the techniques I'm teaching you will

help you get regulated faster and stay

regulated more of the time right

number six is do your movement in a

group if you can

I know a lot of us with cptsd get you

know triggered around people but do it

in a group if you can movement together

with other people especially when you're

following verbal instructions like in

kickboxing or Zumba or something where

an instructor is calling stuff out you

know right left right left is

re-regulating and anything where you're

hearing and responding with your body to

the left and right cues accelerates your

recalibration and the re-regulation of

your brain and brings you out of that

PTSD fog and crossing the center line

like right hand on left shoulder left

hand on right shoulder

that can help too but the big Capper is

to do any of this in a group where

people are moving together singing can

be the same way playing musical

instruments can be the same way marching

can be the same way

number seven is to eat some protein with

every meal overeating and particularly

sugary Carby food addictions are very

strongly correlated with cptsd and a lot

of breakfast foods like toast Donuts

cereal that kind of thing you know it's

a lot of fast carbohydrates and they

will take your insulin level and Spike

it up and that then your energy goes up

and then you feel tired as it comes back

down so anything that's making your

endocrine system Spike and then go down

up down tends to be a little triggering

for for PTSD symptoms

so a little quick piece of advice is

just make sure you're eating protein

with your meals even if you're eating it

with Carby foods which are nice and you

know part of life so instead of just

toast you might have eggs on toast and

if sweets and Carby Foods tend to

trigger overeating in you

it's me you might want to check out the

food plan I follow which is really

balanced during each meal kind of modest

amount of food like a good healthy

amount of food but balanced with healthy

carbs and protein and it's helped me

shed extra weight and it's helped me

calm my PTSD symptoms there's no doubt

about it

the link is down below this video and

all my videos it's kind of near the

bottom if you want to follow the food

plan that I use so if you've had some

trauma in the past and you're like me

You're vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed

it can really scatter your focus and

make you feel worse because it's hard to

get anything done which of course leads

to more overwhelm later

so this is number eight to get out of

overwhelm and work deliberately on good

useful activities for yourself and the

people around you that's what it is it

can be good to make a list for me every

morning after I meditate I make a list

of the most important things I'd like to

get done that day now I know that

there's a lot of stuff on my list that

I'm not going to get done but I go ahead

and I list them and then I try to zero

in on what are the three most important

things for me to get done that day I

can't always do all three

so then I go in and I look at the one

most important thing to get done that

day and I make that the top priority

sometimes sometimes when I'm choosing

what's going to be the first thing I do

I take the one that's the hardest and I

just get the hardest thing out of the

way so that I can eliminate the sense of

dread that comes with having a hard

thing ahead of me during the day so

something that I dread might be making a

difficult phone call with somebody where

I have to tell them a disappointment or

confront them about something I don't

look forward to that and if I think I'm

going to hurt somebody's feelings I I

will sort of put off taking care of

those tasks so if that's the case I go

ahead and take care of that hard thing

first and then the rest of the day is

just like a picnic

number nine is this one is kind of

special but if you just want to get your

spirits up fight the urge to talk about

anything negative

we've been conditioned if we're feeling

bad about something to talk to as many

people as possible talk as much as you

can especially if you're a woman have

you noticed this when people say you

know hey how are you and it's really

easy to give them the whole list right

like oh gosh this thing is going on and

it's so hard and you know the traffic

and all the stuff going on in the world

and I've got a headache and my neighbor

lost her job and you won't believe how

this is it right

if you want to change your mood I just

encourage you to experiment with you

know don't talk about the bad stuff so

much don't talk about the thing that's

bothering you keep your focus on where

you're trying to go on the stuff that

you're trying to get done for you on

those positive things you're aiming for

today and it will just kind of drag your

spirits along with it now I don't mean

categorically you can never talk about

what's bothering you sometimes obviously

it's purposeful to talk to somebody

about something that's bothering you but

I'm not saying you know go into denial

just generally try experimenting with

not talking about the thing that's

bothering you and you will be surprised

how easy it is to have your mood start

going in a completely new Direction when

you're not constantly reminded of how

upset you are about something and this

is also good when you're trying to get

over someone after a breakup you know

just try not thinking about them you

know a lot of people go I can't do that

it's like no you can you get a go-to

thought that's a positive thought and

when you catch yourself thinking about

the person you're just like no I'm going

to think about Spain and what a nice

time I had there once so

try that number 10 there's a question

that you can ask yourself what am I

avoiding and a lot of times a depressed

mood is really just a sense of dread

about the thing you're avoiding it could

be something like you're avoiding

learning about something that you know

that you need to know for work or you're

avoiding a person that you really ought

to be paying attention to so this is

sort of like the do the hard thing first

but this is this step is like to

specifically ask yourself the question

of the thing you don't know that you're

avoiding so what am I avoiding now I'm

sure you've noticed avoiding things can

ruin all your free time while you think

about doing it but you don't do it so

you can write what am I avoiding make a

list and see if you can find the next

right action for you to take there to

give yourself that good feeling of

accomplishment of knowing that you're

taking care of your life and finally

this is you know this is the cherry on

the Sunday if you really want to have a

good day

find something kind that you can do for

somebody where they won't find out that

you did it for them if they find out you

lose the point and then you have to find

another secret good thing to do for the

day

and the reason I say that is because if

there's any chance that you're going to

be thought of as a great person for this

good thing it can sometimes dilute The

Beneficial effects of doing a kindness

for someone

you're doing this for your own happiness

and if it helps someone else even better

if you can call somebody who you know is

having a hard time you can put your

neighbor's empty trash cans back in

their driveway after pickup you can put

a few quarters in someone's parking

meter when you see it's expired if you

can't afford to pay for other people's

parking you can give someone a kind word

everybody can give others a kind word

and you can just say

you know you're doing a great job or you

can compliment them and say the way you

just explain that to the customer was so

clear

so be real with them don't make stuff up

and if it's appropriate to put a hand on

their shoulder when you say something

kind that can make your words more

powerful but the point is to pay

attention to what other people have done

that is deserving of a compliment and

just give that to them

when you do that you become an agent of

good which is really What You're Made

for

life feels good when you remember this

and you remember it by acting like it

even when the motivation isn't really

there at first and you're just going

through the motions because Anna said

you should even when you're sad the good

things you do could make a big impact on

someone else who's suffering and that

counts when you witness their spirits

come up your spirits can't help but come

up to you will brighten up

and those are my tips for turning your

day around and having a great day no

matter what's going on now if you want

more positive steps you can take to step

up your healing from past trauma here's

a video I've got for you right here and

I will see you very soon

[Music]

thank you

 

https://youtu.be/jlfNS2pX1Yk?si=TEJ4CAVsLCz989cs