How To Make Anyone Respect You Instantly

 

 

I spent years swallowing disrespect

until I realized that I was literally

training people to walk all over me. And

now I'm the CEO of acquisition.com. I

helped thousands of business owners to

grow because I stopped tolerating that

bull and I started commanding respect

through actions. So if you're sick of

being talked over, torn down, or treated

like a joke, here are six tactics that

will help teach people to respect you.

Number one is that respect starts with

you. Let's start with the biggest lie

that you've ever been told. Respect is

earned from others. You don't earn

respect. You set the standard for it.

And most people set the bar way too low.

Self-respect is built. It is not begged

for. And chasing respect is actually the

quickest way to lose it. Every day

people walk into rooms begging,

pleading, being desperate to be

respected. Okay? Maybe it's a boss

because they undervalue you. Maybe it's

a partner that doesn't honor you or they

don't respect you. Or maybe it's a

friend that just takes you for granted

all the time. But the truth is this.

Okay? You do not get respect by asking

for it. All these like tips and tricks

videos teaching you how to get respect

with like long stairs and body language,

they are stupid and they're not reality.

The real foundation starts with the fact

that you don't even respect yourself.

And so you get it by becoming the person

who wouldn't tolerate that disrespect in

the first place because if you tolerate

it with yourself, then you'll tolerate

it from other people. Respect isn't

earned from other people. It's actually

maintained within ourselves. And then

other people catch on to the respect

that we already have with ourselves. So

people respecting you is actually a

lagging indicator of you respecting

yourself. Meaning the world catches up,

but you're the one who has to go first,

right? And so you have to respect

yourself before anybody else is going

to. And the fastest way to lose respect

is to beg for validation from people who

don't even respect themselves. I had a

woman that came to me. It was about 4

years ago and we had a meeting and I had

40% of my room was female executives,

60% was male executives. And one of the

female executives came to me and she

said, "Oh, you know, Larry doesn't

respect me." It's funny because the way

that I actually saw the conversation go

was that she has such little respect for

herself. She didn't advocate for herself

in the room. She didn't speak like

somebody who respected herself. And she

taught other people in the room how to

talk to her because of the way she

showed up. She didn't have certainty.

She didn't advocate for herself. And she

allowed people to speak over her. So

many times that we catch ourselves

pointing to the other person. And it's

so often in the workplace, especially

with women, we're saying, "Well, that

person doesn't respect me." It's like,

"Well, have I actually learned how to

respect myself? Do I even know what

self-respect looks like?" And I asked

her that question. I said, "Do you know

what it looks like to respect yourself?"

And she was like, "I actually don't. I

really don't." And it's a loop a lot of

people get caught in. Someone

disrespects you. It makes you feel

small. You know, you feel pissed off,

you feel frustrated, you feel angry, and

then you think, "I've got to prove

everybody wrong." So, what do you do?

You try harder to prove your worth. And

then what happens? They might actually

respect you less. not more. And that's

exactly what happened to her. She kept

trying to prove that she needed to be

respected. I saw she would escalate in

the room. She would raise her tone of

voice. She would do all these things

that they weren't respectable. They were

actually rude. They were mean. They

seemed like somebody would do those

things if you were talking to an enemy,

not somebody on your own team. And then

here's what happens when she realized

that was her behavior. She lost more

self-respect. And that's what happens in

that cycle. Then you lose more

self-respect because you're trying to

appease another person rather than

yourself. And then you repeat the cycle.

I know what you're thinking, which is

like, if I stop trying to earn other

people's respect, doesn't that make me

look arrogant or selfish? But here's the

thing. Respecting yourself doesn't make

you selfish. It makes you stable. Cuz

when you respect yourself, your

boundaries are clear. You have standards

that are non-negotiable, and people

around you know where they stand. And

ironically, it's like one of the

kindest, most generous things that you

can do because nobody has to guess who

they're dealing with. They understand

what your standards are and how you

treat yourself. And trying to earn

respect by tolerating disrespect is like

trying to get healthy by eating cake and

hoping your body's just not going to

notice. We want to break that cycle. And

that takes us to our next point. Number

two, we measure people by what they cost

you, not what they say. Just because

somebody talks up a big game doesn't

mean that they should be in your life.

So here's a good decision-making filter.

If somebody makes it harder to behave

like the person I respect being, they

are too expensive to have in my life.

Like no matter how charming, how

connected, or how important they are.

So, here's the questions that you ask

yourself to evaluate. Is that person

worth your time and energy? One, do I

like who I am when I'm around them? Two,

do they challenge me in ways that

elevate me or in ways that confuse and

derail me? Most important, does my

behavior with them when I'm around them

move me closer or further from my

values? A lot of people say, "I know my

boyfriend cheated on me, but he says

what he says." He is causing you to lose

respect for yourself by staying with

him. And it's not about him. It's about

you. It's not that he inherently makes

you disrespect yourself. It's that you

choosing to stay makes you disrespect

yourself. The same goes in the

workplace. People ask me all the time,

Ila, what do I do? My boss, I know they

don't respect me. It feels toxic. It

feels like they're constantly

disrespecting me. How do I manage them

up? You don't. You leave because you

aren't going to change the other person.

You just have to change the situation by

changing how you've responded to the

same situation over and over and over

again. Person's not going to change

because of you. people barely can get

themselves to change. Think about

yourself watching this video. You're

trying to figure out how to respect

yourself. You think for some reason

you're going to have more pull over

somebody else's behavior than your own.

That's just not the case. And so, you

can't expect somebody's going to leave.

You have to leave the situation. And I

know that you're probably thinking,

"Well, but this job, I can't get another

job or like this is my business partner.

Like, I have to make it work or I've

been married for this." Like, I

understand. But at the same time,

there's a quote that comes to mind every

time I think of this, which is like the

definition of insanity is doing the same

thing over and over and over again

expecting a different result. The

situation won't change unless you do.

And you don't change by wanting. You

don't change by wishing. And you don't

change by feeling. You change by doing

something different. Someone saying or

doing something disrespectful doesn't

inherently make them toxic. It's

allowing the disrespect is that what

makes it toxic is that you allow

yourself to remain that situation.

Someone can't disrespect you if you

leave the situation. And so allowing

someone to continually disrespect us is

when you give away your own power and

then you lose respect for yourself in

the process. Here's where things get

interesting is that self-respect is a

system, not a feeling. Okay? Most people

think that self-respect is something

that you earn. But the truth is

self-respect is a daily set of

behaviors. You don't feel self-respect.

You do self-respect. So let's break down

the behaviors that actually build

self-respect. Number one, keep your word

to yourself. I don't know how many times

I have to say this. Keep your

word to yourself. If you don't keep your

word to yourself and you are pissed that

people disrespect you, then you have

nothing to complain about. You don't

respect yourself. Of course, they don't

respect you. And you might say, "Oh,

this person disrespected me by saying

they were going to do something and then

they did something else or whatever it

might be." Okay, but if you don't even

keep your word to yourself, how can you

be pissed that somebody else doesn't

keep it to you? This happens all the

time in relationships. There's a saying

that people say, which is it only takes

one person to change a relationship. And

that goes for this as well because if

you change, the other person has to

change their behavior. But a lot of

people don't see that. They just see, I

need them to change for me to change or

for me to feel better. But we don't have

control over what other people do. We

only have control over how we respond to

ourselves and what we do. The second

thing you need to do is you need to

leave environments that make you behave

out of alignment. For example, when I

was 18, I lived in a house with six

people. And I realized that everything

they did, smoking weed, drinking,

partying, stealing, lying, cheating, it

was all out of alignment with the person

that I wanted to be. And so I left. I

didn't say you guys need to respect me

by upholding these standards that I want

you to have of your life because for

some reason that will make me feel

better. No, I just said this. I'm

leaving the situation. They can do

whatever they want to do. I'm going to

live my life how I'm going to live my

life. And so I left. And then I went and

I lived in a house by myself because I

said it makes it harder for me to

respect myself when I'm surrounded by

these people. It's a question I ask

myself a lot. Am I surrounding myself

with people that make me lose respect

for myself? Because maybe I'm tolerating

stuff from them that I wouldn't tolerate

from other people. Maybe I'm acting in a

way when I'm around them that makes it

harder for me to respect myself. Or

maybe I feel that their disrespect for

themselves makes it hard for me to

respect myself around them. A really big

one is when people are drinking and

doing drugs. Like I still to this day

get uneasy when I'm around somebody that

drinks a lot because I feel they don't

have respect for themselves. And I'm

like, I just hold myself to a higher

standard of how much I respect my body,

my mind, all these things. It's really

hard for me to be around that now

because I know what it was like. And so

I don't sit there and try to preach to

them. I'm not like, "Oh, you should stop

drinking. You I'm just like, I just

won't be hanging out with you." I'm not

even going to tell them. I'm just not

going to be there. You don't need to

make other people feel bad for the fact

they don't respect themselves. You just

need to respect yourself by leaving the

situation. Now, the third behavior is

that you want to choose discomfort over

self-abandonment. Most people, and this

happens all the time, they would rather

abandon themselves, their values, their

principles, their sense of self, then be

uncomfortable. Instead, we want to say

this. I will choose discomfort if it

means keeping the respect I have for

myself. So, I'll give you an example of

when this happened to me in the

workplace. So, when I got a job at a gym

when I was 21, I joined a gym and it was

the one that I felt like I could make

the most money the fastest, which I had

moved all the way across the country. I

didn't have much money, so I was like,

"It'll just work here." And when I was

there, I remember it was like 4 days in

and one of the managers, he was like,

"Hey, you should go talk to those guys

over there." And it was like this group

of older men and I was like, "Why?" He

was like, "Well, I think that those

would be your ideal clients." And I was

like, "Definitely not my ideal clients.

some IDO clients are women in their 20s.

Why? And he was like, "Listen," I

remember he looked me dead in the eye

and he like grabbed me on my shoulder.

He put his hand right there and he was

like, "Pull down your shirt. Pull up

your shorts. Go talk to them." In the

moment, I was like, "I don't even know

what's happening right now." And I end

up leaving. Later that day, I said, "Oh,

I have a stomach ache. I've got to go."

And I just called them after and I said,

"I'm not working here. I'm done." And

they were like, "Why?" And I was like,

"Not for me. I'd rather be uncomfortable

knowing that I don't have the money,

don't have all this, you know, now I'm

uncomfortable with the fact that like I

don't know how I'm going to make ends

meet, but at least I keep my dignity. At

least I'm keeping my values. Like,

that's just not how I roll. And by the

way, if you roll that way, whatever. You

do you. But like, I just don't roll that

way. And so, I was like, I just got to

exit the situation. And doing little

things like that over time, that's how

you build respect for yourself. It's by

keeping the promises, keeping the

boundaries, and deciding it's okay to be

uncomfortable as long as I'm aligned

with my values. The fourth behavior is

speaking truthfully without emotionally

vomiting. This one's insidious. A lot of

people lose respect for themselves

because of what they say to other

people. And then they walk away

thinking, "I shouldn't have said that. I

think I said too much. I'm not happy

with how I showed up. I don't know if I

should have said that." And that's

because they speak out of impulse and

emotion. This is when people speak from

unmanaged discomfort rather than

speaking truthfully in alignment with

the results they want. A question I ask

myself all the time is what do I want to

have happen from this conversation? Like

what's the action I want this person to

take? What would I like them to do when

we get done talking? I don't ask myself,

how would I like to feel? I ask myself,

what would I like to have happen? And

that's a huge one because if you think

about it, a good example is if you're

mad at your spouse because they didn't

get you the gift you wanted on your

birthday. You say, "Okay, well, why am I

mad? Because I'm uncomfortable with the

fact that I think about them so much on

their birthday that I would never forget

this, but they forgot it for me. And so,

I'm uncomfortable. I don't feel good.

Well, what do I want to have happen?

Well, I want them to think of me on my

birthday. Then, do you think emotionally

vomiting all over that person is going

to result in them thinking about you on

your birthday? Or do you think it's

going to result in them liking you less

because you made them feel bad for

something they didn't even know that was

an expectation of themselves. And so,

that's why you have to ask yourself

these things. And people go around in

the workplace, in their friendships, in

their relationships emotionally vomiting

because it feels good in the short term

and it feels really bad in the long term

because you don't build that

self-respect. And so, if you think about

it, self-respect is like fitness. You

just do it one rep at a time. Every time

you choose not to betray yourself. And

every time you betray yourself, you lose

self-respect. Every time you break a

promise to yourself, you're showing the

world how to treat you. And you show

yourself how to treat you. Because

here's the thing. People who really

respect themselves, they just leave

situations and people who don't respect

them. They don't complain about it and

they certainly don't YouTube, Google,

search videos about it. They just dip.

They ghost them and they leave. So

self-respect is built in systems that

make it easy for us to keep promises to

ourselves. The fourth tactic is that

respect is taught through consequences,

not conversation. Saying to somebody,

you need to respect me is useless unless

there is no consequence when they don't

respect you. Nobody disrespects us

without our permission. And so respect

is taught by what you accept, not what

you explain to people. So let's go back

to the cheating example. My boyfriend

cheated on me and I told him, "If you

ever do this again, you have to respect

me. You can't treat me like this."

Words. Just words. Words don't mean. If

you really wanted him to respect you,

you would leave. And then maybe at that

point, you have a chance at salvaging

the relationship because he has now

learned there is a consequence. If I

cheat, she leaves. Versus before it was,

if I cheat, she just says some to my

face. She talks at me. I get yelled at

for a day. The same goes for teammates.

If they disrespect you and all you do is

say words, nothing changes. But if you

say, "I'm taking this project away," and

you just take it away. If you demote

somebody, if you suspend somebody, okay,

now there's a consequence. And that is

likely not going to happen again. So

here's the thing. Nobody is going to

respect you unless you demand it through

action, not through talking. There was a

time when somebody said something to me.

I remember this. There was an employee

and they made a joke about me in front

of my team and I was in a meeting with

them. There was like probably six of us.

And I didn't say anything. I just left.

And me leaving, it taught me something,

which was that there was nothing I could

have said that would have been more

powerful than me leaving that room. Not

only did I get an apology, I got the

most remorseful letter I've ever read. I

can't believe I offended you so badly

you left the room. And the thing was is

that I didn't feel bad about myself for

leaving the room. I didn't regret it

later because what would I have done

otherwise? Say something, emotionally

vomit. Then I'm doing something that

feels out of alignment with my values

cuz I don't like yelling at people in

front of people. I don't like making

people feel bad. I also don't like being

made to feel bad, so I just left. And

that's why people will respect us

through our actions, not our words.

Which brings me to point five, which is

mastering emotions is one of the highest

forms of self-respect. People who are

really, really powerful, people who have

true personal power, they don't yell at

people. Emotional outbursts, they can

feel satisfying, but they don't teach

people anything. Calm, decisive action

does. And so, mastering our own emotions

is how we successfully create boundaries

without all the drama. You don't need to

yell. You don't need to shout to explain

yourself. You decide ahead of time what

happens the next time somebody does

something and then you follow through

with it. When the thing happens, when

they do this thing, when they say this

thing, when they have this action, no

yelling, no emotional vomiting, no

explaining, you just do the next thing.

That means that if somebody cheats on

you and you're thinking to yourself, I

will leave. You don't need to yell at

them. You just leave. The next time your

boss yells at you, say something

demeaning to you, they talk about how

you're not worth something. they do

something unethical, you just leave. You

don't say something. This is not about

your boss. This is about you. It's about

you respecting yourself enough to walk

away from the situation and not need to

emotionally vomit on somebody because

that again is going to make you respect

yourself less. So, what does handling

your emotions look like in practice? We

do not fight. We don't argue. We don't

yell. We don't call people names that

are derogatory. Instead, we choose

silence and action over conflict. We use

our actions, not our words. It's funny

how we're taught that when we're young.

You're like, "Use your words." Like, no,

use your actions. We distance ourselves

rather than trying to prove a point to

somebody. And then we calmly exit

situations instead of emotionally

exhausting ourselves in front of people.

And I know it feels like you have to

confront everybody every time they wrong

you. But you leaving and enacting a

consequence says more than any word

could ever say to somebody. And so

anytime you create drama, think about

it, you end up respecting yourself less.

So you have to learn to master your

emotions, stay calm, and use your

actions. The sixth tactic is that high

respect people never argue to be

respected. They just leave. So you'll

never see a confident person begging to

be valued. They've already decided their

worth before they walked in the door. An

example of this is like when I was in

college, I had a boyfriend that I was

with for a year and a half. I found out

he cheated on me and he told me and I

remember was sitting there and the first

thing that came out of my mouth was,

"Okay, well I guess we can't be

together." And I remember he was like

first shocked that I wasn't yelling.

Secondly shocked like oh wait what? He

was like, uh, he was like, he could not

compute. I'm sure that guy had never had

a girl not scream and rip his head

off when he had cheated because he'd

definitely done it before. And I was

just like, "Yeah, well then we can't be

together." And I remember I made a

choice consciously in that moment. I was

like, "I want to respect the woman I am

and how I handle this situation."

Because guess what? I had already

decided if anyone ever cheated on me, I

would walk away in silence. I'm not

going to yell. I'm not going to scream.

I'm just going to be done. And why is

that? Because it's not about them. It's

not about how they feel in the

situation. It's not about if they know

they disrespected me. It's because I

wouldn't respect myself if I turned into

the girl who screamed, who cried, who

begged. I don't want to be that person.

I don't want to carry that with me. I

don't want to wake up the next morning

and think about that. And so I said, we

can be friends if anything. He was a

nice guy. I liked him. He made a

mistake. But I was like, I've already

decided I'm done. We're not going to be

together in a situation. I know a lot of

people think, well, shouldn't I try and

talk it out? Am I just giving up? And

it's like, why do we talk? Why do we

talk to people? We talk to people

because we want to change something

about what they do. So, my favorite

thing that my husband and I do is that

when we have tension, when we have

anything we disagree on, we just say,

"What would you like me to do

differently?" Because we have all this

drama in relationships, people stay up

until 3. I've never done that in the

last 10 years of my marriage, by the

way. I do not stay up till 3:00 a.m. We

do not have late night fight. It's very

short to the point. Like, we get it. We

have this down. What do you want me to

do differently? I don't need you to yell

at me. I just want to know what behavior

would you like me to change? And then I

can decide if I'm willing to do that or

not. And if I'm not, we'll just come up

with a different way of doing this. And

the second piece is that like leaving

doesn't mean that you give up. It means

that you grew up. You recognize that

some conversations don't need to be had.

Not every conversation needs to be had.

It really doesn't. And if they didn't

change after the first time that this

situation occurred, then they're

probably not going to change after the

fifth or the sixth. And so, walking away

from a situation is not quitting. It's

choosing to respect yourself more than

the situation. And that is why respect

doesn't start with other people. It

starts with you, with how you behave,

with how you show up, and it's what you

tolerate. and the version of you that

you're trying to be can't survive in an

environment where you're constantly

disrespected by yourself. If this video

helped you and if this resonated with

what you're struggling with right now,

you can go ahead and check out my video

on how to become dangerously confident.

 

https://youtu.be/JQX705pnjkw?si=bqWO0j-RZfMqkYeS