High-School Sweethearts Torn Apart by Cheating & Gambling | Alexis vs Justin | Divorce Court S17 E89

 

This morning, I heard a really sad case.

High school sweethearts try to beat the odds and stay together for the sake of their child, but cheating and changing and growing up are tearing them apart.

Today's couple was a mess when they came to see me.

Divorce Court is now in session.

Good day, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here today with Alexis Burgerer and Justin Hicks. The two of you have been together for 5 years. You have a three-year-old,

but you're only 22. You don't want to be together anymore. I understand that um

one of the big issues for you, Miss Burgerer, is that you don't trust him.

You are also seeking transitional support from him so you could help take care of your baby when you go. We will talk about that momentarily, but why

don't you tell me how we've gotten here to divorce court today?

Well, in the beginning, we met end of high school. Mhm.

Um everything was okay. We were like high school sweethearts.

Um we got pregnant not much longer, right?

And later on I discovered that he's a big gambler and likes to spend way too much money on things that aren't acceptable.

Do you gamble, Mr. Hicks? Yes, I do, your honor.

Do you do you lose a lot of money when you gamble?

I lose and I win both. Yeah, but like on balance, are you up or are you down?

No, I'm up quite You're up. How much up are you?

Um, well, I had him run uh my record from 2014 and I was up $5,000 in the casino.

Okay. That's not good pay. If somebody offered you a job and in a year you made $5,000, you wouldn't have been you

wouldn't take it. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. And the 5,000 was a maybe, right? Yes.

Okay. Do you think your gambling is a problem or do you believe that she simply is bothering you about something?

If say, "Hey, if I'm up, what's the problem?" No, I do believe it's a problem. Do you?

Yeah. There's times that I've put myself in a hole that was hard to get out of and put myself in a bad situation with bills and um food and things like that.

Cuz when you win the money, you obviously you spend it. And then when you go back and you lose it, you put yourself in a really bad position. I understand you lost $4,000 in one night.

Is that accurate? Yes, that's true. Rent didn't get paid that month.

The rent got paid, but that was about it. Yeah, that was pretty much it.

Okay. What are you doing to uh address the problem? Um I went to counseling. Mhm.

And so are you still gambling? Yes, I do, your honor. A lot?

No, I've cut back quite a um bet as large as I used to. Mhm.

I usually go in with a set amount of money and if I lose it, I'm willing to walk away. As in before, I used to do cash advances on my debit cards and credit cards and things like that.

It would put me in a really bad position. There was times where I was I had over $1,000 uh negative in my bank account. My credit card was maxed out at

$1,800. Um I pretty much went through every avenue. Yeah. To get money. Just ugly. Yeah. Very ugly.

Okay. Has he has he gotten better? I mean, can you give him credit for not putting you in in the in

the financial soup, as it were, as often as he used to? Yes, I agree. He has gotten better. Okay.

My understanding is though that you that you have a concern that he's cheating on you. Yes. Why don't you tell me about that?

Well, I did recently find out that he did cheat on me about 3 months ago, and it was with a friend.

Mhm.

Um mutual friend. his friend actually brought her around and we all became we all became friends and later I found out she actually admitted

to me that they hooked up and it was just it was crazy. They the whole thing just blew up.

Well, how did how did you find out? Did one day she just turn around, oh, by the way, I was with your dude.

She actually came over to my house and she came over crying. Uhhuh. And being her friend, I'm What's wrong?

What's wrong? and she admitted to me and I called him up and I asked him is this true and he admitted to me that it was.

So from there on it was just chaotic and we obviously I'm not her friend anymore.

He has nothing to do with the friend that brought her around anymore and it just became a big people arguing, fighting and cutting up.

Yes.

Who was arguing with whom? I mean I know you two were arguing.

Uh did you have a few words to say to the young lady?

Yes, I did. Uh, I at first when she came over to my house and admitted it, I just I was just such in shock that I told her, "Leave. Just get out of my home. I

don't get I don't want to see your face." And it ate at me and ate at me. So, finally, I just seen her again and I did

get physical with her and I did beat her up and with your little self.

I know. I know. And yes, she didn't did she file charges? You know what I mean? No matter what somebody does, don't let them put you in

jail and make you angry enough. I thought about that.

Yeah. You know, don't you know, you got a kid and everything, you could have been, you know, arrested. I understand that. And nothing came about it. She didn't file any legal

charges against me. I think she just she knew she was in the wrong and Yeah. How long was it a one-night thing or was it an affair?

No, it was not an affair, your honor. It happened one time. Me and Alexis, we were not getting along at the time. Um, not that that's any excuse. Um, we weren't talking.

Yeah. Because it usually doesn't help out. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Doesn't resolve any problems, right? Um, you know, I she has also cheated on me in the past with one of my friends. This was um I would say back before Christmas of 2013.

Let me ask you something. This is purely for my own edification. It doesn't have this doesn't have to do with

anything. When you're mad and you cheat, why do you cheat on your spouse with someone your spouse knows? Well,

there doesn't seem to me to be a lot of logic in that. You know what I mean? To trip up so close to home.

Yeah. I don't think I was exactly using logic when I was uh making my decision. Um it kind of it wasn't in my plans.

the girl came on to me and I just made a poor choice and you know I do regret it very much so I wish I could have made a

different decision and had you cheated on him in the past is that true yes and what were the circumstances there well again we were not getting along at

the time he was telling me to move out so in my head I'm thinking okay we're not together I'm single you know I'm

single you're single it and it happened and I you know and he found help.

Was liquor involved in either one of these instances? I just want to know cuz I'm trying to figure it out.

Was liquor involved? No, it was not, your honor. Was liquor involved? I don't get it.

So, she proceeded to grab the battery that fell out [music] of the remote and she threw it right at the television screen and completely broke our 50-in uh TV.

You remember what you were mad about? Yes.

Are people around you tearing your relationship apart? Call toll-free at 1877311-222 [music] or visit our website at divorcecort.com.

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7:397 minutes, 39 seconds[music]

Mr. Hicks, you say that when Miss Burgerer gets angry or upset, she doesn't handle matters uh rationally and

like an adult. Why don't you explain to me what she does?

Um, she has a very bad habit of breaking things throughout her house. Um, when we get into arguments, I've seen her punch holes in walls. There was an instance

where we got into a bad argument and she threw a remote controller and the um to the TV. The batteries came out of the

remote controller and I grabbed her phone and threw it and told her, you know, how do you like it when people throw your things around? You know, it's

not okay to do. So, she proceeded to grab the battery that fell out of the remote and she threw it right at the television screen and completely broke our 50-inch uh TV.

50-inch TV cuz you were mad. What? You remember what you were mad about? Yes. What were you mad about?

Well, we were we weren't getting along that night. We had a couple friends over and while we were I was laying on the couch. He was sitting at the end of the

couch and I was just I didn't want to argue. I just was over it. So, I was trying to, you know, be a little loveydovey and kind of like rub my foot up against him and

he didn't like that and he got mad. So, I'm like, "Whatever." You know, you don't want to be Would you rather argue?

I'm trying to get along here. Let's just get along. We have friends over, you know.

And he just completely was not going for getting along. He It just seemed like he would have rather Yeah. And

where he said that he threw my phone, he threw my phone first. That's what set me off about That's when I threw the battery

through the TV, right?

So, not thinking, I threw the battery through the TV and right after I felt terrible.

I went out the next day and I got him a new TV, which you know, it's not cheap to buy a new TV, the same size, everything.

Do you think that throwing the phone was a smart way to go?

No, it was not, your honor. Um, there had been so many instances of her breaking things throughout the house.

She's punched probably more holes in the walls than I could I could count on one hand.

Do you think you have an anger management problem? Yes. Yes. With your little self.

I can't get over that. U you know um do you exercise? No. Maybe you should.

Maybe I should. I I'm telling you, you know, when you have when you are a hothead and you got tempers and things flying around, not only does it give you

a way to get all out that energy out, it supplies endorphins are released and it makes you feel better. You're in

a better mood all day long. You might need to want to manage that with, you know, Yeah.

working out. Maybe lift some weights or something, but don't throw them at nobody. Just lift them. Right. Can I say something, your honor? please.

Um, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact she lost her mother um, shortly after we got together. We were together about 3 or 4 months and she's never see

any sort of grief counseling or any type of counseling there for that matter.

Well, let me ask you this. Did you see a a marked change in behavior uh before and after? Not directly after because when you lose your mother, everybody's just just beside themselves.

But do you see a prolonged change in behavior since her passing?

Yes. I think she's dealt with a lot of depression issues. And I think it's something that she needs to just find someone to be able to talk to, you know,

other than myself because sometimes you just need someone who can just completely listen and doesn't have any sort of opinion on it and just and don't have an emotional

attachment and doesn't have a dog in that in that game. Miss Burger, do you think you might be depressed?

Yes. Yes, very much so. And I tell Justin about that and it almost seems like he cares, but he doesn't want to

try to help me and sit down with me and talk to me about the things that I am depressed about.

Yeah, it's I'll tell you, especially for dudes, it's hard. Yes. Women, we love to Yeah.

How you feel? Um, okay. girl. Woo. You know, you go to lunch, 3 hours later, you you've you you've had one bite of salad cuz you two of you have been

talking so much. It's a It's not a lot to expect from a from your man to help you handle your emotions, but you can't get mad if they

don't do a good job of it because they don't spend a lot of time doing it, verbalizing how they feel, and they're not quite sure to do with what you verbalize. Now, having said that, I will

say this. You need to hear her. She may She's not asking you to fix it. She needs you to hear her pain. All you got

to do is receive it. Say, "Honey, I know. I got [applause] it." Yeah.

That is very, very helpful. And it seems like a nonsensical thing for you to do because you don't have anything to recommend, but we don't.

You're solving part of the problem by hearing what the problem is. Doesn't make sense, but it's true.

Parenting [music] is a is a tough job. I think I think you know the minute you get get pregnant, both people ought to be required to go and get a little help with it cuz kids are right.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree with you. I agree.

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Miss Burgerer, you say that you and Mr. Hicks have very different parenting styles and it is it has become a conflict. Why don't you tell me your concerns in that regard?

Yes. He believes in spanking our daughter and I don't believe in that. I tend to just do the timeout or send her to her bedroom.

She's three. She's three and I don't think she fully understands that what she's being disciplined for

when he spanks her. I just I just don't think that's a good way of teaching her. How often do you spank her?

Not often, your honor. It's only when I absolutely have to. She There's She is very She has a lot of behavioral issues. She

when she doesn't get her way, like she will she'll want to hit us, scratch us, bite us. And this was all going on before I ever spanked her. So, I've

heard the logic of how can how can she know that she's doing something wrong if you're doing the same to her, right?

But it's been the only thing that's ever had any sort of positive influence that will get her to calm down and get her to stop and then be nice to Does it get her to stop?

Yes, it does. Does it?

No, she still does the things that that she's being disciplined for. Have you taken her to see somebody?

No. We're in the process of all of that right now. Yeah. You got you know, hop on it early.

whatever it is, they probably got a pill for it, right? You know what I mean? You know, but I mean I believe but I believe, you know, not that you just

made up your kids and then put them on all kinds of pills. So there, you know, I you know, I don't believe in that, but they can identify a lot of things these

days and they can identify what's going on, what's early. It could be something that's fixable by the way you deal with them. I My last kid, boy,

you know what I mean? He was just he was just he was just like a puff of smoke.

You just and you never knew, you know, he was nice about it, but he was just But I um you can get help.

The sooner the better. And if you have somebody with behavioral problems, I worried a little bit about the spanking.

I would I mean I don't mind an occasional spanking if everybody's cool.

But if there's an issue, you might want to adjust that and you'll have to get professional help in order to do that.

I've tried different, you know, parenting techniques, too, discipline techniques. I've taken toys from her.

I've put her in timeout. And, you know, the difference is is that when, you know, Lexi will put her in timeout, but she kind of walks away and so does the child. She doesn't sit in the timeout.

I put her over there. I'll sit stand I have to stand directly behind her to even get her to sit still in the corner cuz otherwise she's just ready to go off running again. Mhm.

But does she stay when you stand there? Yes, she does. Well, that's working then.

But the problem is that as soon as the timeout's over, the same, you know, the same issues persist. Mhm.

But I guess that could go with the same with the spanking on. We're just having a real hard time finding any method that is method that's working out. Yeah. You need to go see somebody cuz it, you

know, parenting is a is a tough job. I think I think, you know, the minute you get get pregnant, both people ought to be required to go and get a little help

with it because kids are woo, right? You know what I mean? I agree with you.

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16:3416 minutes, 34 seconds[music]

Now, Miss Burgerer, you want $2,000 in transitional support? Yes.

I'll discuss it with you only after I say this. Are you guys

really sure that this marriage, this union, if worked on, is not repable.

I think we need help. I think it is repairable in certain aspects. Um, I would rather us be together and be good

parents. And she needs us, especially now with her issues. And she needs both of us there to be on the

same page and get along and work with her in ways that

separated won't work. Mr. Hicks, and you don't have your honest heart-to-heart opinion, do you believe that this relationship is repairable?

I think it can be repairable. Um, I think it depends on both of us how much help that we're willing to receive for our problems. Like for my gambling, you

know, I really want to get that completely just eliminated to stay out of the casinos. I've really been looking into signing myself out, they call it, to where you're not allowed inside the

casinos anymore and you can actually be arrested if you try to go there. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. You know what? I think you need family therapy deeply because you got an anger issue. I

do believe you're depressed. You got a gambling issue. and your child is kind of like and I don't know if she's feeding off whatever's happening in the

household. I don't know if you know she just has some kind of you know different way that she looks and does things but if you guys got and you're only 22 and at 22 I didn't know anything.

You know what I mean? I was a ludicrous individual and I would do all of these things that made all kinds of sense at the time and now I look back on it and I

just shudder at you know at my stupidity. Now I didn't have a kid so it was a good time to be stupid but you

do you know I mean that ship has sailed for you so I am really I'm gonna have my the my therapist here is really great.

I'm gonna send you to her. She's going to get you started and then she's going to get you hooked up in resources with resources where you're from. And I want

you to give it a shot. I really, really do because I like you both. I really, really do. Be careful though. You put keep those hands down. You dangerous

19:0119 minutes, over there. Okay. Good luck to both of you. There will be no recovery. This matter is adjourned. [applause]

I have hope for Alexis and Justin.

[music] And here's why. Both of them know what the problems are. They're not pointing at each other. They're pointing

at themselves. [music] And that's the only way you ever get anything resolved.

Call us toll-free [music] at 1877-3112222.

 

 

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